My friends, they love my intelligence
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
