Christians are straight up FREAKS
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
