remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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