last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
