im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
