My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When are your genitals available?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
