my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize