so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this will be a night to untag.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
