"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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