Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
