Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Its about making memories worth repressing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
