I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
