Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just want nice things and good sex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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