He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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