OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
