I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
