OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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