I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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