I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
