Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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