I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
