I just pynch a tree in the face
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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