You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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