Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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