rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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