He is such a slut. More and more my type.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
