i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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