I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
