We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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