You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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