she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
