I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
