can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he thought i was a dude.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
