Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
