You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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