I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
