He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize