Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
