Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
