im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
