Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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