Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
