so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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