It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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