oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
