Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
