This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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