Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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