Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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