Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
