Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
