I'm going to jail i love you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
