Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
