you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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