Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
why is half of my head shaved?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
