where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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