He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
