so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
