More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
