Buhtt sex?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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