some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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