He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
