he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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