We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
