Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
