please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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