matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
PANTIES FOUND
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