yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
