I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
