Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
