Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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