I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
