dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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