Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
