I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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