Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Every concussion has its silver lining
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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