I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
