so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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