So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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