GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
