Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
