I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
