More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
