just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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