I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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