Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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