i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
