last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
