I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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