She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
