omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Mom said you looked used
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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