when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize