You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
