I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize