Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
