Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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