I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
