it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
