i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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