i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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