You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Im part way to drunk.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
