I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
