bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
