I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
