I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
