arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She bit a glass in half.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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