I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
