How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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