It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
