i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
