Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
