Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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