I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
