I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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