she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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