she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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