i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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