i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
