I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
