is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
